So, my doctors appointment was interesting. Basically one of my tubes is blocked, which I knew, but I was hoping we could rooter it out or something, but unfortunately that juncture is literally a hair's width so that's out, and the other one is curled up and pointing up, far away from where the egg is released, making my chances of getting pregnant without IVF nearly impossible. On the bright side, The Hubs is very verile, or so says the Doc who commented having 30% viable swimmers is average and The Hubs is at something like 60%. It explains why my brother in law just has to look at his wife for her to get pregnant (and yes, that's sarcasm). Also, I have lots of eggs and am otherwise healthy, and better yet, IVF is actually less than I thought it would be. The Doc recommended Low-Stim IVF which is just under $6k plus meds and an additional test to make sure there is nothing in my uterus that would inhibit my carrying a child.
Or there's adoption. The Hubs and I discussed the appointment and how surprised we were about how (relatively) affordable IVF was for 3 minutes and then I we both went off to work and haven't had a chance to talk about it again since. Even though I had always said I didn't really want to do IVF, I know he would prefer a child of his own, and, well. I don't know. I'm going to think about it. I kinda wish I hadn't bought the nursery bedding last week, because it's for a boy, and, well, who knows.
In my last post I labeled us as a 'desperate to adopt' couple, but I use that term loosely. I read a blog that described the 3 types of couples going into the foster care system, since if we adopt we would do it through concurrent planning through the state. The catagory we identified with was the 'desperate to adopt' catagory, so I went with it. Although the Hubs and I do want kids, and 5 minutes ago would be nice, we are trying to make informed decisions and do what seems like the best choice. Whether we adopt now or later, after all the research I've done in the past 3 months I think I'd like to adopt or at least foster at some point any way, I'm just not sure if that point is now.
I know that I won't be doing IVF for at least 6 months (if at all) since I am going to the trainer now and my BFF and I are going to shed our pastry pounds and have rockin' summer bodies! So, my first session with Andrew (our trainer) went well, and holy cow was I sore the next day, and today too for that matter. He had me do this thing where I sit on the edge of a chair and keep my back straight and my core tight and stand, then sit down, then stand, again and again, and it seems simple, but wow! We are supposed to do 1 hour of cardio every day. Yesterday I cheated and did an hour of 'Just Dance' on the wii, which is so much funby the way (but the key is to follow all the movements not just the hands), and even though I am exercising somewhat and sweaty afterwards, it's not the same. Today on my lunch break I went to the gym and did 45 minutes on the eliptical thingy where the incline is adjustable. It's not quite an hour, but it is my lunch HOUR. I am very proud of myself today for sticking to my diet and not indulging in one of the bagles with cream cheese or doughnuts our vendors bring by at work, but dinner tonight may be another story.
Which brings me to my title subject! Tonight my BFF is taking me to see Cirque Bezerk for my birthday (last week)! It's like the circus meets berlesque, I think! I can't wait!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 1
Good Morning! Today is going to be a great day. I have decided. I absolutely refuse to accept anything less.
Today The Hubs and I are going to my results consultation with the fertility specialist. I had done 6 rounds of clomid with my regular obgyn because I had been led to believe I wasn’t producing eggs. I had that horrible test done a year and a half ago where they insert dye into your uterus so it can flow out your fallopian tubes in order to show whether or not their open. Initially, my results were negative. However, when I took my films to the specialist and did a pelvic ultrasound in his office, I learned some new things. During the consultation, they did the ultrasound and I was able to actually see that not only am I producing eggs, I have lots and am functioning perfectly normally for my age. I had produced 21 potential eggs and only released one. It’s sort of amazing to think I dropped 21 potential eggs that month. We also saw in the ultrasound that I have a large pocket of fluid below my fallopian tubes which is likely endometriosis. When my films for my fallopian tubes were evaluated by a specialist, it was found that one tube is entirely blocked, they believe at the junction where my uterus and tube meet, and the other tube is ‘curled up and deformed’. The doctor’s office called me the day before Christmas eve and told me the corrected results and that their recommendation would be IVF.
The Hubs and I had discussed IVF before, and I felt that instead of spending $9k on fertility treatments that may not work, we should look into adoption. I got into contact with Kristen who writes the Bettycrockerwannabe blog and she was very encouraging and have read blogs of many others, and I got excited. This is something we can do, and if go through the state fees are minimal, and we would be able to help a child who needs and deserves a loving family. So we went to orientation in December, and will start classes in March (due to The Hubs work schedule). In the mean time I have read a book on Toddler adoption, and am currently reading “The Weaver’s Craft: Toddler Adoption” and so far so good, until I found out about RADs and started reading blogs like:
Which scared the shit out of me, followed by:
who suggested we not adopt but look into surrogacy, which actually my sister in law has offered to do, but I’d do IVF before we go there. (Also, she recommend we get a dog. Seriously, a dog. We love our 5 year old Cocker Spaniel, but it’s just not the same.)
There are others too, but I am just conflicted at this point.
We are desperate to adopt, or have a child some way, but I don’t know if I can handle the ‘f-you mommy!’ or a child who is genuinely indifferent to your love. I never imagined adoption would have a fairy tale ‘happily ever after’ but I don’t expect hatred either. I realize these children will need extra care, additional support, and more patience than I think I may possess, but won’t know until I try.
I am trying to go into this with as much research to back up our decision as possible, and after having the shit scared out of me, I will be interested to see what the fertility specialist has to say about my options. I know The Hubs would prefer a child of our own, but at what cost? How much is he willing to pay to get one? Truly, The Hubs is very supportive, and totally on board with the adoption plan, and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner who is willing to make a somewhat unconventional journey with me (even though his parents are less than enthusiastic).
Today is also my first day of personal training. Between Intro to Pastry (fresh chocolate croissants and fresh danishes are AMAZING, by the way, if you’ve never made them) and the clomid (which made me crazy for a bit) I have gained 20 pounds or so and I can no longer stand myself. My BFF and I are making a 6 month commitment to “getting into the best shape of our lives’! Easier for her to say, since she surfs and runs and has always been more active than I am, not to mention when we weighed ourselves at the gym she weighed 178, and I weighed an whopping 192 (omg, I can’t believe I am going to post that!). So wish me luck, because Andrew is going to kick my butt tonight! (yikes!)
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