So far so good...Sort of.

Friday's doctors appointment went pretty well.  At least that is what they told me.  I didn't think the uterine eval was so bad, the most painful part was when my knee started hurting from being strapped into the bent ass-in-the-air position for half an hour.  They did find two polyps at the top of my uterus, but Dr. Diaz used his super robot tool to pull it apart and remove it.  It was so interesting because they have a screen up so you are watching the footage as they root around in there. 

The Hubs gave a sample, but I didn't know they would be freezing that sample for later fertilization of eggs, or that he needed to abstain for 3 days prior.  Oops.  I called yesterday afternoon to see if he needed to give another sample but apparently he has super sperm and everything was just fine as it was.

I did get really frustrated with one of the office ladies who was supposed to explain all the procedure details to me and go over everything.  I really felt like I was asking direct questions and she was not giving me straight answers.  She said a whole lot of 'don't worry so much, you're so young,' and 'we will tell you more/give you more directions when we get closer/at your next appointment/later'.  She absolutely drove me bat shit.  I really don't think its too much to ask to get some upfront straight answers.  What does the procedure entail?  What can I expect?  When do I start hormone medications?  After I asked her the same question, just worded slightly differently, for the third time the Hubs told me to let it go, and later said he didn't think she knew the answers to my questions so continuing to ask her was just going to be a waste of time.  *heavy sigh*  If only the 'new patient coordinator' had been as upfront with me and knowledgeable as their accounting guy.  His answers were direct and to the point.  Just how I like it.

You should have seen her face when I told her we wanted to try for twins.  I know the risks.  I think I am young enough and my body can handle it.  I am an effing adult and don't look at me like I am a strangely delusional child. grrrrrr.....

I know I won't be starting any further medications, besides the birth control of course, until after June 30th, since that is when my next appointment is.  When I called yesterday they did tell me I am anemic, so I need to go the the pharmacy and pick up a iron supplement to take twice a day until my levels are up.  They have asked me to start taking 81 mg of aspirin daily too.  I forgot to ask the doctor if it is okay to continue my glucosamine supplement.  I think I may call my OBGYN and ask her instead. 

Yesterday afternoon the pharmacy called with my prescription charges for next month.  HO-LY COW!  It is $1700 so far without insurance, which is admittedly way more than I thought.  I somehow convinced myself since I was doing low-stim IVF that I would have to do less injectables and I wouldn't need very many hormone medications.  Wow was I wrong.  I am scared to think what regular IVF consists of.  Anyhow, I gave her our insurance information and am praying it will cover at least some of the medications on the list.  The Hubs wants to shop other pharmacies to see if he can find better prices but we will have to wait and see. 

In the mean time I am trying not to freak out at the cost of all of this and the fact that with the meds cost being higher than we thought it sort of drains our savings account and leaves nothing left for a possible round two, and holy shit my whole life is going to change is just 60 days!  Deep Breath.  Deep Breath.  It will be fine.  It will work, everything will be wonderful, and I just need to be positive and not stress myself out. 
It is frightening to know I am placing all my eggs in this basket, and I really can't let this freak me out.  I am a planner and a total control freak.  I like to have a plan, I like to be in control, or at least in possession of as much information as possible, and lacking all of that is driving me nuts.

I am going crazy, and I haven't even started the hormone meds yet!

New blog name, and I might be a little crazy.

Good morning, and Happy Friday!

I decided to change the name of the blog this morning because yesterday afternoon I was googling other IVF blogs to try to find women who were in a similar situation, or preferably a bit less clueless than I am. ;)  Any way, I had trouble finding any.  Most of the blogs I found were written by women who were several years post IVF, with lots of pictures of beautiful babies.  It was encouraging to see that these women had wonderful success and although I enjoyed reading up on past blogs, I think I'd prefer to see and interact with women who are in my boat, and in turn thought it would be nice if it were easier for others in this situation to find me.  I hope you like the new name, its not incredibly inventive, but it gets the point across.  I love old cartoons and wanted to call it 'The Trials and Tribulations of Ms. Sandie, or IVF in the OC' but the name was just too long.

Oooh, now for the crazy.

So, have you ever had one of those days when everything is fine and then all of a sudden, BAM!  Your mood shifts and you become this angry, swearing, rampaging nightmare.  Well that was me, yesterday.  And I took my rampage to the gym.  I felt fine the way over there and even during warm up, but once the ass whoopin' started with my trainer and my BFF, it all hit the fan and spiraled downhill from there.  There are some aspects of working out that I enjoy, lots that are tolerable, not bad, but I wouldn't call it fun exactly, and some I absolutely loathe.  I hate up downs.  And I cuss like a sailor when required to do them.  Well honestly, I kinda cuss like a sailor any way.  Its a horrible habit, and I am getting better, but when I am angry the f-bombs go flying.  I also tend to make faces that reflect my emotions.  Needless to say I wore my EFF YOU face most of the evening.  I am very lucky, because my trainer is awesome and realizes that I'm just in a mood and really, I am not mad at him, and he just sort of ignores my complaining, which is really best.  Its strange, because I can tell I'm on a rampage, I know I am being a total bitch, but I just can't seem to help myself, or calm myself down.  Its horrible. 

I drive a Toyota Tundra, and its a large and in charge truck, and so when I park in a parking structure it takes a few minutes to get out of my spot and last night I got so mad because someone wanted to wait for my spot.  Isn't that crazy.  I was livid and ready to throw the truck in park and throw down for absolutely no reason. 

It is official.  I am a part time nut bar. 

I called my husband on my way home from the gym and warned him I was on a rampage, but since it wasn't directed at him, he thought it was funny.  I'm glad my irrational behavior is amusing to someone. ;) 

Any way, I went home, stole half an ambien from my Hubs and went to bed, and strangely enough, I feel great today.  Maybe I just needed a good night's sleep, but Holy Cow, I might be a little crazy!

Sandie